Good wine needs no bush, and perhaps products that people really want need no hard-sell or soft-sell TV push. Why not? Look at pot.
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Middle age is when you've met so many people that every new person you meet reminds you of someone else.
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Candy, is dandy, but Liquor, is quicker.
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The cow is of the bovine ilk: One end is moo, the other, milk.
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They take the paper and they read the headlines. So they've heard of unemployment and they've heard of bread-lines. And they philanthropically cure them all by getting up a costume charity ball.
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Children aren't happy with nothing to ignore, and that's what parents were created for.
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I think remorse ought to stop biting the consciences that feed it.
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There is only one way to achieve happiness on this terrestrial ball, and that is to have either a clear conscience or none at all.
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A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of.
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No matter how deep and dark your pit, how dank your shroud, their heads are heroically unbloody and unbowed.
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The most exciting happiness is the happiness generated by forces beyond your control.
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Man is a victim of dope in the incurable form of hope.
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A husband is a guy who tells you when you've got on too much lipstick and helps you with your girdle when your hips stick.
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Life is not having been told that the man has just waxed the floor.
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There is only one thing for a man to do who is married to a woman who enjoys spending money, and that is enjoy earning it.
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To keep your marriage brimming, with love in the wedding cup, whenever you're wrong, admit it; whenever you're right, shut up.
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Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who cannot sleep with window shut, and a woman who cannot sleep with the window open.
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Every New Year is the direct descendant, isn't it, of a long line of proven criminals?
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I do not like to get the news, because there has never been an era when so many things were going so right for so many of the wrong persons.
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How easy for those who do not bulge to not overindulge!
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Here is a pen and here is a pencil, here's a typewriter, here's a stencil, here's a list of today's appointments, and all the flies in all the ointments, the daily woes that a man endures -- take them, George, they're yours!
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Parents were invented to make children happy by giving them something to ignore.
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Whether elected or appointed he considers himself the Lord's anointed, and indeed the ointment lingers on him so thick you can't get your fingers on him.
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Professional men, they have no cares; whatever happens, they get theirs.
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Progress might have been alright once, but it has gone on too long.
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One man's remorse is another man's reminiscence.
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Remorse is a violent dyspepsia of the mind.
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I don't mind their having a lot of money, and I don't care how they employ it, but I do think that they damn well ought to admit they enjoy it.
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Indoors or out, no one relaxes in March, that month of wind and taxes, the wind will presently disappear, the taxes last us all the year.
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The only people who should really sin are the people who can sin and grin.
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And one of his partners asked Has he vertigo? and the other glanced out and down and said Oh no, only about ten feet more.
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The further through life I drift the more obvious it becomes that I am lacking in thrift.
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People who work sitting down get paid more than people who work standing up.
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Your hair may be brushed, but your mind's untidy. You've had about seven hours of sleep since Friday. No wonder you feel that lost sensation. You're sunk from a riot of relaxation.
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If you are really Master of your Fate, it shouldn't make any difference to you whether Cleopatra or the Bearded Lady is your mate.
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If you don't want to work, you have to work to earn enough money so that you won't have to work.
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