America is the country where you can buy a lifetime supply of aspirin For one dollar and use it up in two weeks.
Send to friend | View quote | Quotes about America

Die? I should say not, dear fellow. No Barrymore would allow such a conventional thing to happen to him.
Send to friend | View quote | Quotes about Death and Dying

If it isn't the sheriff, it's the finance company; I've got more attachments on me than a vacuum cleaner.
Send to friend | View quote | Quotes about Debt

You never realize how short a month is until you have to pay alimony.
Send to friend | View quote | Quotes about Diversity

A man is not old until regrets take the place of dreams.
Send to friend | View quote | Quotes about Dreams

I would like to find a stew that will give me heartburn immediately, instead of at three o clock in the morning.
Send to friend | View quote | Quotes about Food and Eating

The trouble with life is that there are so many beautiful women and so little time.
Send to friend | View quote | Quotes about Life and Living

I am thinking of taking a fifth wife. Why not? Solomon had a thousand wives and he is a synonym for wisdom.
Send to friend | View quote | Quotes about Marriage

Why is there so much month left at the end of the money?
Send to friend | View quote | Quotes about Money

My wife is the kind of girl who will not go anywhere without her mother, and her mother will go anywhere.
Send to friend | View quote | Quotes about Mother-in-Laws

I've read some of your modern free verse and wonder who set it free.
Send to friend | View quote | Quotes about Poetry and Poets