I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.
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When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.
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I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.
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I found there was only one way to look thin, hang out with fat people.
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My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.
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My wife and I were happy for twenty. Then we met!
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My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it.
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I get no respect. The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.
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If it weren't for pickpockets, I'd have no sex life at all.
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Dangerfield, Rodney

No biography at present.

9 quotations